For Teenager, ‘What I See in the Mirror Is Not What I Am’

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Placing thoughts to paper is the most surefire way for Manasia Horne to express herself, particularly when it involves uncomfortable subjects.

“I’m not usually the talking type, to talk about my real thoughts,” she said. “I write about it and I make you read.”

A few times previously, Ms. Horne wrote down her darker inclinations, inscribing them in a black laptop computer. She confessed to thoughts of self-damage and suicidal urges. Though she didn’t take action on them, those thoughts resulted in short hospitalizations, as just lately as two years ago.

Ms. Horne, 18, offers contended with depression, including thoughts of inferiority, for so long as she can bear in mind. She recalled staying bullied by cousins and classmates about her squeaky voice and her unusual name (pronounced MUH-nasia). Such criticism slice sharper than many knew, she said, since it appeared to validate her individual fears and her insecurities.

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“You just possess that feeling you are not who you intend to be,” Ms. Horne stated recently. “I would define myself when I look into the mirror. What I see in the mirror isn’t what I am.”

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